1. image: Download

    For flowersmiles

    For flowersmiles

     
  2. 'Reblog if you're currently unhappy with your body'

    Reblog.

    Why? What could you unhappy with? Many people would kill to look like you.

    Over the past two years I’ve got to a healthy, fit weight. Athletic. I got to a point where I looked in the mirror and actually thought to myself ‘damn I look hot today’.
    But then I got sad. In 6 months I dropped a further stone in weight. Why? Because I blamed (blame) myself for the falling apart of the best thing that happened to me. Because my moving to Nottingham changed everything, but it mainly changed me. I’ve never been treated like I was in Nottingham. I’d get in from work and want to hide under the covers until I had to drag myself back to that hellhole again in the morning. I had to get back to normality, to familiar, back to Norwich to get better again. But Dom had moved to me, he’d got it all sorted, we’d be together in Notts, a new start together. But I couldn’t stay and he couldn’t be with Nottingham-me. The me he fell for, who he loved and who I loved disappeared and I don’t blame him for not loving Nottingham-me. No sunshine or spark, just gloomy and gray, anxious.

    Bringing it back to the original point.

    Reblog if you’re unhappy with your body.

    I believe this is missing the point.

    I don’t wish to generalize, but I think the body is used as an excuse for the mind. I admit that I am destructive towards my body. I don’t nourish it enough, I work it too hard and I punish it. I feel so guilty and I take it out on myself.

    But it isn’t because I’m unhappy with my body. It’s because I’m unhappy with my mind. The body just takes the blows.

    My body is a wonderful, strong machine, it’s fucking incredible what I do every day. I see my patient’s bodies failing them and I should be praising a higher power that I don’t believe in for such a blessing. But it’s the mind, right?

    Heal the mind and the see the beautiful body.

    A lot of people reblogged ‘reblog if you’re unhappy with your body’. I wonder what it really is that’s troubling them, because the body is just taking the blows.

     
  3. 16:43

    Notes: 52698

    Reblogged from chimpanzeechatrooms

    Reblog if you’re currently unhappy with your body.

    (Source: 122to90)

     
  4. On confessing

    I haven’t written in a very, very long time. For me, writing makes it real. It means admitting your feelings, admitting them as part of you and your psyche, it means revealing them like a wound to the open air. Maybe it’ll get better that way, after all, we’re always told ‘let the air get to it, it’ll heal in no time’ but for most of us we fear infection, we fear pain.

    In september I started working in queens medical center as a newly qualified theater practitioner. Having had a rough year with my living circumstances in Norwich, I wanted to start afresh. It’s always the dream for those who run away in hope of greener pastures and fairy tale endings. We fool ourselves into thinking we’re going because we want to better ourselves, but I believe are all we moving (running) away from something first. The new is merely a convenient cover.

    Since moving to Nottingham, I’ve found everything to be very, very good. Well, almost everything.
    As a full time worker you spend more time in your job than at home. You just have to be happy. In the NHS you have to want to do your job, you have to have passion. It’s scary, going somewhere new when all you know is comfortable and familiar, you’ve got to leap and risk falling. I leapt but I’ve fallen.

    Now here comes the tricky part.
    Say it.
    Go on.
    Admit it.

    I don’t think I’ve ever felt so blue as I have been these last few months.
    The department I work in have 8 new members of staff, 5 of which are leaving due to the conditions we’re in. Bullying is the culture. I wish I’d realized sooner it wasn’t personal, that all us new staff were being subjected to it, but when you’re new, you don’t want to rock the metaphorical boat, you don’t want to speak up.
    As a result I think the department has taken more than my confidence, self worth and esteem. They’ve taken my passion. I feel like a robot, walking around with no real feelings. No, actually, I do feel, I feel resentment, I feel sadness and I’m furious. I’m angry at them for draining the passion out of me. I’m leaving.

    I’ve sent up a flare
    Mayday!
    Please, can you help me?
    I’m stuck, I can’t breathe.
    ‘It’s okay, come on our boat, we have room for you’
    I want to, but just wait, first
    I have to apologize
    For failing.
    For letting you down.

    You carried me here,
    helped me paddle
    And you fixed my leaking holes.
    You stopped me from sinking and
    I made it safely on land.
    ‘I’ll be back soon, on this island,
    Of ours. We can move our universe here
    To our small island. We can do anything
    Together.
    I won’t be long, I promise.’

    But paradise turned and the rainy season came,
    Black, blue, inside, outside
    I didn’t know.
    I didn’t know it was always the rainy season
    And the sun can’t break through the clouds
    To warm my skin.
    It’s so cold, so wet
    Relentless.
    It’s washing away my warmth,
    I glow no more.
    I have to go, the life boat is here
    But wait!
    I see you! You’re here,
    You’ve moved your universe,
    You’re here to be on this island
    With me.
    My love, I’m sorry.
    I’m so, so sorry.
    I can’t stay.
    The wind and the rain has eroded me
    To my bones.
    But you must stay.
    It looks like the rain is clearing, the wind is seizing
    For you.
    But I’ll be there soon.
    I promise.

     
  5. Attempt 1 at watercolors. Such a relaxing activity

    Attempt 1 at watercolors. Such a relaxing activity

     
  6. 17:15 16th Sep 2013

    Notes: 6882

    Reblogged from yellowpaperbutterfly

    image: Download

    yellowpaperbutterfly:

Andreas Wonisch
On Distant Shores, 2012 

    yellowpaperbutterfly:

    Andreas Wonisch

    On Distant Shores, 2012 

     
  7. Right then

    Finally

    Finally


    I have a start day for my job at QMC.

    Good God it has been an effort, that’s for sure. HR have refused to tell me when I can start without a letter of confirmation from the UEA that I completed the course.

    The UEA have refused to send out said letter until this week.

    I’ve been in limbo for a month and a half, waiting.

    And waiting

    Waiting


    Oh look, an email from HR, about bloody time…what? You want me to start on Monday?

    I have nowhere to live…

    Balls.

     
  8. 05:48 11th May 2013

    Notes: 587060

    Reblogged from vickylikestotumbl

    youu-a-stupid-h0e:

itsthelesbiana:

theseloversundercover:

Lmao

this is completely me on the left

I do that!

    youu-a-stupid-h0e:

    itsthelesbiana:

    theseloversundercover:

    Lmao

    this is completely me on the left

    I do that!

    (Source: allyourgifrelatedneeds)

     
  9. 15:23 9th May 2013

    Notes: 2

    reality has just smacked me around the face

    Today I had my first interview for band 5 newly qualified theatre practitioner. To say I was nervous is understating considerably. First interview and the imagined added pressure of many of my cohort already having jobs lined up. I am greeted in the theatre department by a very apolagectic team leader for how late they were running and led into the room. I am trying to remember what happened but it was just a complete blur. My mind was racing with CQC statistics, Francis Report knowledge, trust policies, emergency procedures,etc aaaaaaarrrggghhhh interview prep. 

    Of course they asked me nothing on any of these things and I came away feeling annoyed that I had to be prompted on one question, this would surely go against me. I have settled with myself that it is invaluable experience for when I interview in the trust I’m training in even if nothing comes of it.

    I arrived home an hour later

    In my inbox was an email

    Thank you for attending for interview today, the interview went very well and we are delighted to be able to give you a conditional offer of a Band 5 Theatre practitioner post in our Emergency Theatre. The HR department will be in contact with you in due course and support you through the remainder of the process.

    This just got very, very real.

    Bring it on.

     
  10. image: Download

    Starting endocrine revision with basic anatomy of the pancreas. I do love the endocrine system.

    Starting endocrine revision with basic anatomy of the pancreas. I do love the endocrine system.